I miss my Dad.

I miss my Dad that ruled monopoly, trivial pursuit and scrabble.

I miss the interesting stories that are now replaced by the few he remembers.

I miss being in the moment with him.

I miss his supportive words and his unquestioning belief in me.

I miss the talks that you can only have with your father.

I miss the way people used to laugh with him and smile and want to be in his company.

I miss the feeling of missing him and longing to hear his voice, ask his opinion and learn from his guidance.

I miss his confidence and being able to make my mum roar with laughter.

I miss his sense of adventure and his fascination with other people.

I miss looking up to a man that I have admired personally and professionally.

I miss the success and the pride of being one of his sons.

I miss the conversations and the lessons of life.

I miss the mind, the body and the soul.

I miss my Dad and I’m sad that Alzheimer’s has taken him from me with no return in sight.

One day he will forget more than birthdays and what day it is.

One day he will be unable to recognize me but not today, not yet.

Recently he told me “you’re a good guy”.

It wasn’t much but he struggles these days with words.

He put his hand on my knee and said it and it made me feel good.

It’s been a while since my Dad was able to give me a compliment.

To me, it meant he was proud of me. That I was going to be all right.

I’m struggling most days with my own disappointments and fears and he doesn’t know how to help but still he asks me how my day was.

He can’t keep up with conversations and he is intimated in group settings but he still feels. Sometimes when I get back from work I give him a kiss on the cheek and a long hug. He is always pleased to see me and it is the only way I can communicate to him. I’m saying to him, Dad I’m struggling, life is tough, I miss you and I miss myself but I’m glad you are still here and I love you very much.

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7 thoughts on “I miss my Dad.

  1. I feel your pain and your sadness. I miss my mum the same way. She had a brain injury earlier this year and is no longer the same woman. She’s a shell of her former beautiful self and I miss her so much. Thank you for sharing your poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry that your father is suffering from this disease, and my heart goes out to you,because even though he is alive he is becoming less and less of the man you have known all of your life. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it took its’ toll on my family. Anger, frustration, feeling helpless are just a few of the emotions my family had to deal with. I remember at one point she asked if I was a new girl who was working in her home. Then there was the time we sat on her porch and she told me her parents lived across the street and I needed to go see them and I replied to her that I was enjoying her company too much and I would see them later. I bring up this memory because her response was hear warming she smile so big because she felt important, I did not tell her that her parents had been dead for many years. When people would tell her she had forgotten things or argued with her she would pound her head and cry that she was crazy. So I did my best to just spend time with her and do my best to make her happy. I will never forget that smile. She is gone now but the memory of that smile brings a little joy to my heart. From your writing I can tell your Dad is very important to you and you love him deeply. Focus on the good moments and let them become cherished memories. i know it is not an easy time for you, but don’t beat yourself up, just be there, even if he may not show it deep down inside of him he knows how much you love him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you. But in that pain, be sure to truly treasure your time with him. even if it’snot in the form that you’re used to. yes, miss it, pine for it. Try to fully enjoy and immerse yourself in the time with your dad that you have now. Whatever form it may take. Learn a new way.

    My heart resonates well with your post. And I feel the sadness too.

    Liked by 1 person

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