I miss my Dad that ruled monopoly, trivial pursuit and scrabble.
I miss the interesting stories that are now replaced by the few he remembers.
I miss being in the moment with him.
I miss his supportive words and his unquestioning belief in me.
I miss the talks that you can only have with your father.
I miss the way people used to laugh with him and smile and want to be in his company.
I miss the feeling of missing him and longing to hear his voice, ask his opinion and learn from his guidance.
I miss his confidence and being able to make my mum roar with laughter.
I miss his sense of adventure and his fascination with other people.
I miss looking up to a man that I have admired personally and professionally.
I miss the success and the pride of being one of his sons.
I miss the conversations and the lessons of life.
I miss the mind, the body and the soul.
I miss my Dad and I’m sad that Alzheimer’s has taken him from me with no return in sight.
One day he will forget more than birthdays and what day it is.
One day he will be unable to recognize me but not today, not yet.
Recently he told me “you’re a good guy”.
It wasn’t much but he struggles these days with words.
He put his hand on my knee and said it and it made me feel good.
It’s been a while since my Dad was able to give me a compliment.
To me, it meant he was proud of me. That I was going to be all right.
I’m struggling most days with my own disappointments and fears and he doesn’t know how to help but still he asks me how my day was.
He can’t keep up with conversations and he is intimated in group settings but he still feels. Sometimes when I get back from work I give him a kiss on the cheek and a long hug. He is always pleased to see me and it is the only way I can communicate to him. I’m saying to him, Dad I’m struggling, life is tough, I miss you and I miss myself but I’m glad you are still here and I love you very much.